Friday, April 29, 2011

Exploring a variety of evolutionary paths...

What if all our relationships are really about evolution? Where do we experience unconditional love, joy, harmony (wow... I can hear you!) or what challenges us to stretch, grow, learn: literally to evolve?

My longest lasting opportunities (i.e. relationships) with the possible exception of my immediate birth family, have come in the form of marriage and motherhood. If you've ever been in a class with me you've probably heard me say, my daughters have been my greatest teachers. (Aaahh... what do they say? When the student is ready, the teacher will appear!) Also, the daughters have learned by watching me grow (yes, struggle!), observing my choices and outcomes. Certainly they've created their own classrooms for personal & spiritual growth & learning. Today, from this proud mom's point of view, they are amazing creative adult women with strong spirits and open hearts, and like me, still plenty of room to grow.

Today, I drove Skip (1st mate, you'll get that in a minute) to catch a ride to Boothbay Harbor, ME so he could 'ride shotgun', so to speak, on a boat trip to Newport, RI. Here's a man who would have gladly spent his entire life on a boat, anywhere, married to a woman who doesn't share this desire at all, truthfully, I've a hard time even keeping a canoe upright; btw he's a Cancer married to a Pisces. hhhmmm... Early on in our relationship (after nearly 5 years Navy and 2 baby daughters) he let go of that dream, for us. Each time I think of that, I am grateful for his commitment to us. Each time he goes to sea now, short jaunts 3-5 days for now, I'm grateful that he has the opportunity again. At first I really had a hard time with it, resented his going off and leaving me home, had fear about coping on my own. Luckily I have great tools, teachers, sisters & friends and generally recognized this as a huge opp for me to really let go of some very old stuff. I've sat with the feelings of fear & loss (mostly left over from being a really young wife with 2 babies and a husband on an aircraft carrier on the other side of the wordl), come to know that alone doesn't need to mean lonely, appreciate having time to myself without schedules, expectations, meat & potatoe meals, etc. 

The gift for me, once I got out of my own way, was to realize I had several days completely to myself! Well, just me and the dogs... I thought about what I'd like to do with that time... garden, paint, read, upgrade my website, write a new blog... for a moment, I wished I didn't have so many choices... but I've been there before and have, over the years, come to realize that I can make a choice, I always have enough time to do what I really want to... what ever that is... and if I start one thing and it doesn't feel right, I can always change my mind....  If Skip reads this, I might hear him say, well, that's something she does really well! He'll smile, because he knows that for a long time, I didn't think I had that choice. I felt guilty and expected a hassle from anyone who was involved or effected. I've been the adaptable, self-less (and martyr-ie) young wife, the patient understanding Mom, the loving & listening sister & daughter. Sacrifice and service were just two names for the same "half-empty glass of water" belief I had about my life. Never enough: time, money, help, whatever. I had bought fully into the belief system of who, what & how I should be and I had felt really stuck in it for a long time. Perhaps as stuck as Skip felt with both feet firmly planted on land at all times. And we weren't talking about any of it at all.

Today our lives and marriage are evolving, become new again... And I know we are not the only ones who are experiencing this. The entire universe is waking up, acknowledging who we really are, recognizing that 'Shift Happens' and beginning understand that we are here for the pure joy of it.

When I was stuck in 'less-than', fear and loss there was no possibility I could have imagined my life today. Life was organized around everyone else's needs and avoiding conflict, calamity & chaos.  If I even considered making a choice, it was often based on what I didn't want. I was so sure everything else was supposed to come first, that it rarely entered my mind to even consider what I might want. When it did, I felt guilty and resentful that I felt that way. Even worse, I really resented anyone else who did and would get really angry that they even dared to ask. I was living a way less than glass half-empty life.

The shift to glass half full came in an instant. It was a revolution. And with the awareness that I could look at something I knew so well from a different perspective, came an opening, understanding, awareness of what having choice really meant.  Next shift to the glass full-to-overflowing still sometimes requires a leap of faith. But I think I'm really close to that much of the time. I'm clearly still human (if any of us knows what that really means these days?) hee hee... and I can still fall off the edge in the face of calamity just like anyone else. It seems, tho', it takes more to knock me over and it's easier to pick myself back up and get going again.  I'm quicker to see the win/win, the value in the experience, the spirit in the screaming child, the moment of introspection available as I stand patiently in the long Friday afternoon grocery line... what was I thinking? Aaarrrggghh! transforms to Aaaahh.... I wanted fresh veggies for dinner! I chose this, it was me! I did it, yippee, yahoo, yah hey! I'm headin' home on a sunny afternoon and I can do whatever I want... Let's see... I could finish painting the kitchen trim, start some veggie sets, sit in the sun, play with the dogs, take a walk in the labyrinth, write in my journal...  Oh, haven't done that in a while... sometimes it's quick, sometimes the words just come pouring thru, perhaps there's something here to share? the blog was calling...

Well, the chimes just rang thru the office window looking over the backyard kitchen garden daughter Beth built for Mother's Day a few years back. The bench in a sunny spot is calling me. Today I will choose for me a few moments peaceful reflection on how grateful I am that Skip is following his dream.

Peace, love & joy...

Saturday, April 24, 2010

National Goat Amnesty Day, May 3, 2010, post 3... or the first part!

A friend recently sent me an inciteful (and astrological) piece about this current Mercury Retrograde (in Taurus) April 18 thru May 11. This inspired a letter to my family (mostly women) about house keeping... sort of!? Anyway, it all turned into a universal evolutionary energy thing I thought might go to 'post'. (See previous two posts about Mercury Retrograde and Goat Amnesty!) My astrologically brilliant friend, Nancy at CiennaMoon agreed I might share her email here... so more would have benefit of her words... and also as a basis (perhaps) for explaining how I got where I was yesterday as I posted (or what was driving my 'rant' as Skip and I have agreed to call these insightful 'blasts!'... so here it is, in full... her regular offerings always seem to be right on the money! Thanks Nancy... guess I'm off to walk the labyrinth and balance this all out! and then to seek support for the children in town thru donations to the WCTV live auction & entertainment weekend at the end of May. Hope your fair is great! Namaste' & blessings. Deb
----- Original Message -----

Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 8:36 AM
Subject: (no subject)

Tomorrow Tom and I will be reading at the psychic fair in Wareham. The location is the Elks hall on Cranberry highway. The hours are 10-5. The readings are $20 for 15 minutes, half goes to charity. Hope to see you there! For my part, I plan to hand this sheet out on Mercury retrograde....but you get it first!!!  Nancy

Reconsidering inner beauty (inherent worth) vs. glamour or charm (external validation)….ideas around taste, culture, the material form our desires take on. As we look at the current retrograde some awareness comes to mind around what we seek to own and what comes to own us.

Mercury Retrograde in Taurus:   April 18, 2010 through May 11, 2010

Challenge of 4-18-10 through 4-25-10

Review limitations, obligations, and responsibilities based on past values. What once represented the social rules is now under question. Charming others is looked at as a way to get what you want without revealing who you really are. Old vulnerabilities can be released so more modern self image can be actualized. A time to rethink, reevaluate, reflect, reconfirm, resolve, repair, research, renew, restart, resurrect, and release.

Pay attention to any “answers or solutions” that come forward around April 28/29 when our thoughts and identity synch up. We may feel more confident as we embrace new ideas and release old points of view. We are asked to update old self image by giving voice to our current values, talents, and sense of self-worth. You are asked to be more yourself today…. true self reflected in the world of form and substance !

Challenge of 4-26-10 through 5-11-10

Review what roles and relationships hold value in your life today. See your life by what you hold dear. If you are stuck in a rut it’s time to release what once represented security and allow new choices to come through. If the dullness of life is weighing you down. question what needs to be varied or changed.

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak”. Hans Hofmann

May 3, 2010: This is the key date for this Mercury retrograde!

Every challenge felt now offers opportunities to see deeper meaning; seek your just desserts. (nb from Deb... this may not be retribution or guilt, but perhaps the chance to see the value of the lesson & experience? i.e. the gift, the silver lining... if we 'paid dearly' for an experience, perhaps 'just desserts' is our 'reward' not our punishment?)

Clarity may come through. You may gain insight or deeper understanding around your own self-worth and what motivations are at play in your relationships. Today is a chance to gain more intimacy in relationship and increase self awareness. Ask yourself what do you own and what do you just borrow from others? Your inner beauty is reflected in the things you appreciate, the relationships you attract, the work you do, and the world you live in. This could be the breakthrough moment that takes you from material to spiritual connection and back again.

Themes and Challenges by sign:

Aries…let the seed take route
Taurus…determine what material you are currently rooted in, stuck or firmly in place?
Gemini…question the investment of your resources or talents in the environment around you
Cancer…what provides a supportive foundation, offers sustenance
Leo… what talents are you recognized for, how are you valued
Virgo…how do you reorganize your assets into a workable program, manage your skills
Libra…be honest in what you choose to reflect, real relationships aren’t always comfortable
Scorpio…secrets reveal hidden desires , passions ignite or manipulations control
Sagittarius…people from the past may help inspire or encourage talents once again
Capricorn… past values or social connections, do they need to be restructured?
Aquarius…Reinventing the past or moving beyond old values…liberation and renewed worth
Pisces…Progress comes one step at a time, work through the situation to completion.

Presented by Nancy Foley 

Friday, April 23, 2010

National Goat Amnesty Day, May 3, 2010, part 2

A friend emailed me an insightful, astrological piece of info about this Mercury Retrograde. These notes (sent originally to my sisters and daughters, reflect my own journey... and since we are all one, afterall... some part of this may touch you! Namaste' GURU's!

I find myself once again, feeling resentful about being 'over-commited' (and seeing that is my take on it, cause it's more work than I thought! :)... working on several deadlines (though I may be seeing them more rigidly than others... it's the project rule... and we know about rules! danger, warning, don't break 'em or someone will be mad! ) seeking cooperation from others who already have full plates! and (like me?) have put there hands up to limit anything else coming at them... so of course, it all is! How did I get here again?

Heck! (sp?) I know about self esteem... have been working on this for years... used to think we all had just a little f...g too much of that if you'd asked me... long ago I thought it was perhaps Mom's 'just stand up a little taller, pretend you know what you're doing and get on with it'... Think I got the 'just pretend' part of that lesson... and inside never really 'felt' it... if we were enough, how come we were never enough?

Well, I've recently had the 'thank god, they are more than just girls conversation' with several folks! One (a middle daughter, a friend, colleague, who rides her Harley with glee, single parents three teenagers and cheerfully professes she can do it all!) looked at me like I had 3 heads... she did not have my point of reference to being 'only/just girls, too bad, no boys'... I found myself back-peddling to explain myself and in the process reviewing it all (AGAIN!!!)...

Well, I am intending to find, actualize & release my modern self image, (ref. to Nancy's post)  if it is to be 'cranky crone' so be it. If that's who I am in any given moment, then I will own it, without apology or sublimation or self criticism... and take a breath and invite myself to 'just' be a girl for minute... (btw, that's different from being just-a-girl!... just so there's no confusion, there!) maybe no need to be super woman (can't fit into that suit anymore) super (daughter... can let that one go, I guess, hhhmm? ) super Mom... (can I still be that?)  super sister... (what's a sister to do?) super wife (who would want to be husband to cranky crone?) super, super, super??? Aaarggh... I just want to be me, if I could only really figure out who that was.

Day by day, this girl is cleaning house, weeding out the clutter, the corners, the drawer full of empty paper bags. Fresh paint, new windows, re-purposing the way we use the rooms... Nancy's note about this retrograde helped a bit to see where I have been stuck in the old roles, applying the old rules, seeing thru old windows, with old points of view.

Someone recently wrote... it is our families that are uniquely designed to trigger our 's$*!?^#t' 'stuff'... they know where all our buttons are. Skip says if you don't let anyone know where your goat is tied, they can't 'get it'... and families know where all the goats are... You all know that for a long time, I thought, anytime someone gets my goat, it's because I needed to get rid of that f....g goat! Not everyone wants to do that, I get it... These days, it's not so much, for me, about getting rid of the goat anymore, but getting over the 'goat'. Recognizing where I tied it... so I didn't have to look at it... And letting myself off the hook for whatever made me tie that poor old goat up in the first place! That all 'get's my goat!' Who knows, maybe I get your goat?

You know, I wouldn't have wished my stuff on you... heck, I wouldn't have wished your stuff on you... what if we just declare Goat Amnesty day! I say, we take those goats & set them free! I'm wanting to let them off the hook! so to speak! (Yikes, I'm havin' a visual... aahh... Farmer girl says, keep them safe, don't let them get into the green grass, they'll all get bloat! what will be do if we lose all our goats?... hhhm... guess I needed to see that one! hhhmmm... AAAaarggghhhh!!! Who would I be without all those old goats?)  Breathe... AAaaahhh... well, I feel better.

Happy Spring... Happy Mercury retrograde... love you all... hope you enjoy today's rant!

Mercury Retrograde and Goat Amnesty Day! May 3, 2010 1st post

A friend sent me an insightful and astrological piece of information about this Mercury Retrograde! I was inspired to write about it... to my family... hhhm... and then 'heard' it could be a new post to this blog about natural evolution! I think, actually, I feel... honoring National Goat Amnesty Day on May 3, might be an opportunity to effect our evolution right down to the cellular level! I'll be clearing, tapping, intending transformation, walking the labyrinth, inviting Shamballa (unconditional love without fear) energy in to assist me... and any of you who would like to take this journey also... just set your intention to be part of it! and let it go! Whatever you are ready to transform will show itself and assist your natural evolution! Be well... er! Smile at yourself from your heart... and breathe that love right out into your energy selves, allowing it to assist the shifting. Feel your heart's appreciation for all that you are!  Feel your hearts' appreciation for All That Is!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Natural Evolutions... another perspective...

Well, 30 days ago was my birthday. I was 61. Yup... 3/3/2010. Numerologically I had a heyday! 3-3-2010 is 3-3-3 is 9... (for me often a significant indicator of something that effects me from the core. For some it's a spiritual number... friends know I think it's all spiritual (and I know they smile and think... uh ah! here she goes again!)... Now, 61 is another story... A great teacher of mine channelled a philosophy of living she called four-forces. Within that, there were developmental stages (for the human, that is..., and not to diverge, but if it was applied to my dogs, 1 year is 7... then for them, each year would be close to a developmental stage...) that shifted every 6 years... so in 2009, I was 60 on 3-3-2009... 3-3-11... an 8 year for me (someone look at what 8 is?) and within the philosophy of Four Forces I would have shifted from Centirfugal (how I effect what is not 'me' or not within 'me' or what is outside of 'me' as compared to how does any of that effect me?) into Gravity... a place of observation, with the potential of rest, being ok with myself and neutrality anchored in the physical body (as compared to the emotional, mental or spriitual bodies) enhancing my sense of security with heart energy, and resulting in a greater sense of harmony (relative to my place in the universe!) That said, please note:  I said 'the potential of being..." And I embraced it all! I said: yahoo, I AM CRONE! BRING IT ON! Not sure I anticipated the 'purple hat' award... but that's another conversation.

Another teacher... (don't you love teachers, the good one's always tell you what you need to hear, even when it's the last thing you really want to know... they just sort of open the door for us to see that which we feared was really there... or dreaded... or worried about... and so often, once I've wrapped my little human brain around it, and gotten over myself, and allowed my heart to see it too, I find the light in whatever truth I am being offered and if I'm lucky, can take a breath or two before the next one!... yikes, sometimes it's like swimming laps!)

Anyway... another of my great teachers wrote... When you set an intention: everything that needs to be transformed for you to be the person you wish to be, for you to be ready to do what you say you intend; for you to embrace the journey and step into that which you are focused on... everything that needs to shift... will begin to show itself... so you can be that!  (my words here: anything that is not in a frequency aligned with or compatible to who you are becoming will begin to vibrate so that it also can be transformed/evolved to serve you on your journey, to assist you to evolve, to transform, to release (what no longer serves you) and carry you (hhhmm... sometimes kicking and screaming) to that place you said you wanted to be! Ok... so 2009-2010 has been like swimming laps in the ocean! I was going to say like swimming laps in the last big coastal storm... but as the universe, I find, often responds to what I fear or resist by giving me another chance to get over it or thru it, so I will recognize that I can survive THAT TOO! I'll temper my response a bit! (Cause I'm in charge you see, at least of me, if not in control of the universe!) and because it was only while I was in it, that it seemed so big... today, a month after I finished being 60... it seems not as trying as I had thought... and, I'm on the other side of that... can see how I've grown, changed, evolved, transformed...

Oh... I could look at the next 5 years (the rest of this 6-year developmental stage and all it's challenges) and dread the coming lessons... but this is a place of observation, an opportunity to be ok with me just being me, to receive (you know, the paycheck at the end of the week)... I get I still need to show up... but just for now, this weekend, after all the turmoil of the passed few months... rain, storms, taxes, oil bills, politics, healthcare, etc... I'm gonna take a break... from being on guard about everything, from worrying about it all, from even thinking that it is up to me to figure out how to fix it all (in the best oldest sister of sisters way!) Anyway, Skip always says  'worrying: it's like praying for what you don't want!' Love that guy! I can always tell by the whites of his eyes when  I'm getting a little too far from the center of the path... (you know, like the bull in the arena...) Well...

Where was I? ... a little off the path, I suppose... check out this link... see... you don't have to get old to be bold... found it on Earthday site from facebook... wonder where my skates are? maybe I could just start with the hula hoop, it must be around here somewhere!

Happy spring, happy earthday coming up 4/22/10... be well, be cool, be crone! Enjoy!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Non-profit Earth Lodge airs AT THE HUB

Heya all... happy to say... we have aired our first show... At The Hub will be viewable in Wareham area via Comcast, Channel 9 at 7:30 PM Sunday evenings; Also on educational TV Comcast 97 Tuesdays 11 AM; Verizon 28 Thursdays 6 PM... Hope to see you At The Hub...; check out our guest links and email us with your needs or donations!   Many thanks to WCTV, Wareham's community access tv. Namaste' Deb